Drunk I Was Not

Drunk i was not when you put your arms around me and you said you got me.

Drunk i was not when i pushed every elevator button on the way down with you telling me “this is drunk.”

Drunk i was not when you pulled me to you so i’d stay still.

Drunk i was not when i smiled and put my arms around your waist.

Drunk i was not when we ran up the stairs away from all the noise and dancing bodies as we laid with our shoulders pressed together on that damp helipad overlooking the metro.

Drunk i was not beneath the slurred words as we talked about school, how fucked up our life is and how we think the world is made of.

Drunk i was not when we stared at the twinkling stars on the dark sky that fortunate night.

Drunk i was not when i pretended to be just so i’d have an excuse to put my head on your shoulder. Drunk i was not on that club when you grabbed the bottle of whiskey from my hand.

Drunk i was not when you dragged me from the dance floor because you thought i was too out of it to notice all the milling maniacs.

Drunk i was not when i hugged you good bye and said see you tomorrow.

But drunk i was when i said why can’t it be you.

Drunk i was when i stuck by you.

Drunk i was when i decided to sit for a while without knowing i’d drop dead on the floor.

Drunk i was when i couldn’t even open the door to my place

and drunk i was when tears streamed down my face for the heartache i didn’t see coming.

Drunk i was when you saw me cry for the love i left behind.

Drunk i was the night we went out to get pizza for losing over a bet.

Drunk i was when you told me all your problems.

Drunk i was all the times we playfully hit each other.

Drunk i was all the moments we spent laughing and

Drunk i was when i didn’t notice I fell in love.

But deadly sober i was when i walked away and decided you not worth my time.

Sober i was the afternoon I sang at the top of my lungs and you asked me to stop.

Sober i was when i dropped it all to get something i want more.

Sober i still am as i look back to that day and feel not even a tinge of regret.

Indifferent i am as i see you reeling as you gasp for air.

Unfeeling i am as i see the hint of desperation in the retorts you carefully formulate to appear unaffected and nonchalant.

And surprised and shocked i am as i realize how much i dont care.

This is me laughing at your weakness when you try so hard to appear strong when all you really need to be in front of me is real. If you bared down the walls, it would’ve worked out. But what’s all in the past is staying there because the stars are finally shining brighter.

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