An Excerpt For My Next

That person from across the street, the one with the book at the usual spot on the far corner of the coffee shop at 4 in the afternoon, the one i just bumped to when i was rushing off, the one who helped me with the gallon of water i just bought or the one i locked eyes with the other day when i quickly looked away.

They say that at age 16, most people have already met the person they will end up marrying. I’d like to think that the world is a bigger place filled with possibilities of unending destiny with anyone at all that the idea of confining my future life with anyone I already know at present doesn’t really entice me. I don’t know if i’ve already met you, if you’re from my group of friends, my acquaintances, someone I know from high school or even my best friend. I don’t know where, when or how. But here’s what you should know.

I long to live to the moment that we finally cross paths, the day we finally realize that we should be together and the memories we form will be endless. I couldn’t wait for the day when we can all be sweet and gross from being momentarily friends to ending up with unacknowledged requited love after all. Or even starting out with a more-than-friends intention point-blank.

I will write you tiny letters of my profession of love in different pen colors because im addicted to unique paper, post-its and colored pens of various sets. I will dedicate to you poetical phrases that will make you warm and gooey on the inside like Lang Leav’s Always that goes like this: “You were you, and I was I; we were two before our time. I was yours before I knew, and you have always been mine too.” And we can go on like this for a really long time.

I look forward to wasting time with you from casual talks on how our days both went to deep conversations over breakfast, lunch OR (not necessarily AND because we have our own personal lives and I get that) dinner dates together that need not be expensive nor fine dine.

I, as everyone else and most probably same as you, have a past and it would be hard to top that. But I promise you that you wouldn’t need to. I have learned a great deal from all that transcribed and I can assure that you wouldn’t be held against ideals as high as of that. I will give you more than I have ever given anyone because I have come to believe that it’s only proper to give love one more try and always one more try. I can never guarantee you a spot in my far future but treat me right and we can last forever.

I’ve always gone for the mad-passionate-extraordinary-breathtaking kind of love. I’ve lived in such a way to never let a timid love exist. Love doesn’t deserve to be lukewarm. It can only bask in confidence and purity. Either it’s raging fire or it’s just ice-cold. I go for serious and longterm, never just for the meantime. I find that people who waste efforts on nonsense just for the sake of pride, companionship or whatever selfish twisted reason it may be are just not worth any of mine.

I’m not the type who doesn’t see what she has while she has it. I may be neutral and nonchalant for most parts but that’s my innate characteristic and I will do my best not to make you feel unwanted or taken for granted. Tell me what you want and we will work on it.

I will introduce you to my friends and you’re gonna know that I have different sets. You’re gonna know that they mean the world to me and ultimately, you’ll see how much time I spend with them, all the recreational things we do together and all the out of this world activities we involve ourselves in. You’re gonna find out who is who and which is which and that if the point of choosing ever takes place, my friends equal the spot of my family and I’d almost always choose them over anyone else (still it depends on who’s wrong or right).

You’ll hear rants about how my day has gone, what I will need to do for the night and possibly the rest of next week. Sometimes I talk scholarly, some days i’m just so nonsensical. There may be days that you’re going to think i’m crazy but im not really irrational. Nights will teach you that my deteriorating brain cells need rest and I’m not one for deep conversations after 3 am.

To you, my next, I promise that I will not hold you against unreasonable ideals but im going to warn you that I do know what I deserve. Don’t worry about how you look because I have learned to overlook the physical aspect of a person. Your character is what defines you and it’s never going to be about your height, the color of your skin nor your evident jaw line. I will love you whoever you are in such a way that you wouldn’t dare look for anyone else. I speak for myself as I say that my individual acts will not be done selfishly. They will be done selflessly for the next person I will love, which is you. But when the time comes that you feel the need to be set lose, I will let you go freely, no questions asked.

Relationships are not jobs wherein the best way to look for another is while you still have one. My faithfulness will always be unwavering and there’s no chance in hell that I’d be staying if im not happy. Immediately, I will leave because there’s no sense in cheating. It’s only for the weak. The strong ones own up to their actions and to what they feel. They make it a point to act accordingly and never deceiving. I was born strong, taught right and raised flexible. I will not settle for compliments and empty words and it’s definitely going to take more than that to woo me.

I have learned that even when the love we give may go beyond valleys and oceans, that doesn’t guarantee that the love we will receive could even reach the shore. Our life was not made perfect and i will not try to change you. But what i will try is to impart in you the value of empathy so that you feel for others what they are feeling for themselves. And so you feel for yourself what i’m feeling myself.

You are anyone and if you just try, you can very well be my everything sooner or later. And when you become that, I will do everything I can to empower you. I will build you up and help you through because that’s what relationships should bring: strength and the extra courage to overcome whatever challenge may come into our life. It’s not supposed to be what tears you down and leaves you breathless.

I have loved once and I have been let down many times. All that I did in the past is going to stay there. I have walked away many times only to go back the way I came, before I finally realized that some things, same as some people, are never going to change. You can give them countless chances and at most times, they wouldn’t notice or they’d even disregard it. But at the end of it all, it’s not about the wasted chances you have given or your efforts taken for granted. From experience, you’re going to realize that all that matters is that you did your best and there are no regrets knowing that you did your part. You just simply couldn’t have done it all and knowing that something bigger exists out there only comes from knowing where to stop and simply start anew.

Find me or else I will find you.

Love,

Me

🙂

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