It wasn’t the way you did everything you could but it was in doing nothing. It was in standing still as everything fell apart. It was the way you never understood, the way you never gave way, the way you never took any conversation seriously and the way you’ve always taken me for granted. This is not for all the things you did but for all the things you did not.
Maybe that was why you were so scared when I used to always go out with my friends. Not because you worry about my safety or because you don’t trust the people around me. Not because you don’t love me and you don’t want me to be happy. But because you fear that id be doing all the dirty sht you were doing all along behind my back. I’ve given you more than your fair share of chances, dropped way too many hints, disregarded way too many signs and listened to myself way too many times before I’ve finally come to the point where I’d choose listening to the true people around me over listening to my heart any time of the day. You know why? Because I have finally understood how they see you. I’ve finally come to see you the way they do. And I don’t like what I see. I’ve finally come in terms with the ugly truth and it’s way too disgusting that i couldnt even believe a good you once existed.
Who you used to be was so wonderful: The type of person who’d go through the ends of the earth for the person he loves. The kind who’d stand up for what is right, protect me from this world’s evil, shield me from all the hurt and catch all the pain destined for me if only he could. He’d call to ask me about how my day went and in turn he’d tell me his. That no matter how awful both our day was, the voice of each other was enough to make it all okay. We’d spend hours talking about nonsense. Time would catch up on us and the setting sun would be the only reminder that we’ve been together for far too long in the day or the rising sun be the reminder that we’ve talked on the phone way too much about absolutely nothing. Seeing each other didn’t have to be an everyday thing to know what we had was real and talking every second was enough for both of us. Do you remember everything? I don’t know who got lost but I take that it’s you. I take it that it was you who lost sight of what was beautiful and true.
AND out of all that, I just knew that I can no longer do anything to save you without drowning myself too.
So, okay. Guess I was the bystander and you were the show. You basked in sunlight as I stood by the sidelines. You signed autographs as I stood by your side. I saw how you turned from this to that, change from that to that. We were in our own galaxy doing endless field trips and maybe I got lost in the middle of the tour. Or maybe we both did? The relationship was so vast with uncountable undiscovered areas of black and nothingness. To me, it seemed as if every turn was a new discovery that should’ve already been unearthed years ago. Maybe we were both amateurs. Both with no idea and no single clue of what to do. But we both know we were ALMOST there. And maybe that’s the saddest thought of all.
There may be loves that go beyond the changing of the season. But just because it is so doesn’t always equate to a happy ending. Not all great love is forever love and the biggest mistake is in thinking otherwise.