The Past

When we were just starting out, I couldn’t remember the number of people that told me to steer clear from you. A lot of people warned me about you. They say you’re bad news with a boastful ego, that i’m a great girl and that you don’t deserve me. But who were they to say so? In my head, I was thinking they don’t know you like I do. They asked me to be careful but all the bystanders lurked in the shadows waiting to see how our story will pan out. People didn’t expect anything serious nor did they think either of us would budge: as in I will never give in and you will never give up.

I don’t know where or when. All I know is it took me a really long time before I finally got to admit to myself that you mean a lot more to me than I ever let on. I’m sorry, I know that I lacked in that area. There you were giving your all while I was the seemingly dense-like-stone girl who couldn’t possibly care less. It wouldn’t be fair to say again that I’m not showy and I just couldn’t say I really care even when I couldn’t show it. I asked you for time and you gladly gave it to me; satisfactorily waited until I was ready.

I turned you down once maybe twice or more. I don’t know anymore. But you didn’t give up. Thank you. The first separation was your choice. Or maybe mutual? You told me you needed to grow. Maybe find yourself you say. All because I told you that you were suffocating me. But it’s funny how you used that time to have me replaced (aw yeah bieber baby). I tried to reel you in again. I asked you to let the girl go before the relationship progress any more. You asked for time, said you need to let her down gently. But time was one luxury I could NEVER afford to give. Next thing I know you were bragging how you never even had to court her. You just had a new girlfriend and you said “Galing no?”

Your loyalty to me all throughout your relationship with her was unwavering. I asked you again not to let the relationship go any further because the longer it goes, the more pain the girl will feel. Personally, I don’t get her. Why did she fall for you so easily? Why are girls not smart enough to think twice on your sincerity? WHY? How could she have been so stupid to think that the length of our time together can be replaced that easily? If I were her, I would’ve doubted because the entire thing would’ve smelled extremely fishy. I’d wait for a little while before I commit because.. well.. I wouldn’t wanna be a rebound. But eventually, that was how it turned out. You left her for me and we were happy for the most parts but ‘my faithfulness was unthinking as your lapse. Of all the things I thought would go wrong, I never thought it would be that. “It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.’ (D.L.)

But I tried. I tried again with you. I gave you another chance even when everyone told me, asked me, even pleaded me to walk away from you. That’s my thing I guess. I’ll listen to what everyone has to say but i’ll still do what I want. I gave you another chance you didn’t deserve. There were uncountable issues on our path but the entire deal breaker was when you made me choose. Had you truly loved me like you say you did, you would have never asked me to pick between you and a friend. Don’t even use on me the other line to that. That had I truly loved you, there wouldn’t even be choices. Not when it’s also your fault why I had to cling to friendships to sail me to better days.

Maybe that was my breaking point. I can take the sky falling from anyone else but you (Burlesque). I can easily point you out in a crowd even if you readily look past me and I wouldn’t care. I’d take your crap any time of the day, your awful attitude and your boasting ego I’d swallow whole because I loved you that much. Your bad habits and bad mouth I always overlooked, your minute understanding I always accepted. Because to me, you’re great just the way you are. I can take your messages subliminally implying I’m indecent just because I’ve got guy friends, I can take your whims and the way you hold me back from everything that makes me happy. I can take the beating (emotionally only and NEVER physically haha) any time of the day but I had to open my eyes. I had to accept defeat that what ever I say, you will never be able to comprehend. Your understanding will never grow. Your acceptance of who I am will never come. And try as I may to bring the old you back, you just have to run lose. I knew in my heart that I had to set you free because I can no longer take your full ego.

So you say I’ve changed but need I say that I’m not the only one?

I would’ve been just fine with you bragging about your skills. I’ll give you that. You’re good in the activities you involve yourself in and that makes me SO proud of you. I guess what I could never live with is the fact that you use that pride even in our relationship.

AND SUDDENLY

The lies got tiring, the arguments got draining and your attitude unnerving. Before I knew it, I just couldn’t handle it (OR YOU) anymore.

I don’t need handsome, tall and athletic. I just want someone who can understand even the darkest parts of my soul. I don’t need someone with money because I have MORE than enough. I don’t need someone who can’t be contented with one because I don’t need other guys when I’ve got one. I don’t need a jerk because I’m not a bitch. I don’t need an arrogant because I can’t stand people as such. I don’t ask for much. I just want real, sincere, consistent and mature.

AND SOMETIMES

You walk away because the pain has become too unbearable. BUT just because you were the one who decided to end everything doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt at all because it did. It hurt every step of the way.

So to the FAQ:

Why was it so easy for you to let him go?

When you do something, you’re not supposed to make it seem like it’s the hardest thing you ever did even if it really is. 

Truth be told, IT was the hardest thing I ever did. Exceeding all chemistry and physics major exams I ever took.

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